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Trading Spouses: 'Vegan Villian' Speaks Out!
Reminds me of the saying (by Andre Gide, I think) 'Beware those who know the truth. Trust those who are seeking it.'. I may not have it absolutely correct, but you get the idea.
I especially love dealing with college students, for whom everything is an absolute, and if they read it in a book or heard it from an over rated professor, it must be the truth. I much prefer people with open minds and practical life experience. After a while, those who see life as a continual journay can't help but run along the same old ruts and seek to soften the glare- leave the bright lights to the young, or more correctly to the dim-they need all the light they can get.
I especially love dealing with college students, for whom everything is an absolute, and if they read it in a book or heard it from an over rated professor, it must be the truth. I much prefer people with open minds and practical life experience. After a while, those who see life as a continual journay can't help but run along the same old ruts and seek to soften the glare- leave the bright lights to the young, or more correctly to the dim-they need all the light they can get.
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I must point out at this point, I do not encourage anyone to watch the show anymore, but the Abbott family's show aired next up after ours, and we watched it for the last time as a family, so that we could point out to our children (Jack, 11 and Lucy, 8 ) examples of editing and try and help them make sense of why our excitement had turned to humiliation and grief.
You see, contrary to the dramatic theme of the show, our memory of our time Trading was wonderfully positive. It was inspiring. That part of this experience I would be willing to do again in a heartbeat. I really cared for the Loupe family and felt cared for by them. They were excellent hosts. They were good, kind, open - minded people and I was enchanted by Louisiana and their home. So much of what America saw I just don't "remember," and I've got a great memory
With this post (my very first ever) I wanted to THANK the ABBOTTS for their courage, honesty, and friendship. Finding Leslie, Carl, and the boys was a Godsend to me. Before that, no one else truly understood the depth of my pain and trauma. They have helped me to heal. No one should have to endure such public - national - humiliation. I wouldn't have wished it on my worst enemy, even if she was a hunting, dog breeding, circus animal training carnivore!!
I am glad to see that you are recovering from that editing. Originally after watching your episodes, I had the same thoughts about you that the majority of the viewers did. The difference is that I wasn't willing to accept everything I watch on TV as gospel. Luke and expecially Kyle have set me straight; I now realize that editing can portray the evilest villain as the nicest person and the nicest person as the evilist villain and/or anything in between. I have read elsewhere that you are planning on getting together with the Loupes again. If this is true and their experience was as bad as it was shown on TV then I am sure they would not have been interested in a reunion. This leads me to believe that there are a number of behind the scenes actions that were never broadcast nor ever intended to be broadcast.
To make a long post shorter, I am happy that the Abbotts actually explained to me in such detail how FOX editing works and I have no doubt that your actions and reactions were edited in such a way that all Americans (and Canadians :oops: ) loved to think of you as the villain.
Lastly, I heard that you also do theatre. Is that true?
I was puzzled by why they chose our family, and the others. They could easily find families who they wouldn't need to edit into villains. You know, families, like those on the Jerry Springer show. Such a Trading Spouses show would be dynamite without re-arranging any sound/video bites. Then I realized! They need to have emotionally stable upright mature families who they are certain won't go berserk on them :!:
= = = = = = = AND NOW, HERE'S YOUR CHANCE = = = = = = =
Animal Rights Television Show
Looking for animal rights families/families who are anti-fur.
My name is Melissa Mills. I work in casting at "Trading Spouses," a family-themed reality show that airs on Fox, Monday nights at 8PM. The purpose of our show is to compare and contrast various families across the country while highlighting their unique interests and cultures! For example, we've had everyone from hunters to vegans, alligator wranglers to family bands, tattoo artists to political activists appear on our show.
Currently, we are casting for new episodes and would like to meet families who are in favor of animal rights. We love interesting families who could show the world a little bit about what makes them so special! This is a terrific opportunity for any family who is energetic and who wants to Learn about another way of life. In addition, every family who has appeared on the show has been compensated $50,000! This could be a chance for an animal rights family who wants their voice heard to have an audience of millions of people.
All families who want to be on our show must have the following: at least one child between the ages of 6 & 18, a crime-free background, US citizenship, and an ability to speak English. Also, the spouses must be legally married. Please have a look on our website: www.fox.com for more details.
If you know of anyone who might fit this description, please contact me as soon as possible.
Melissa Mills
Casting Assistant/Trading Spouses
Rocket Science Laboratories
323-802-0619
[email protected]
I find it ironic that Barbara would post here sympathizing with the Abbotts. Yes, she went on the same reality show, but her parenting style in particular could not be more opposite from Carl & Leslie Abbott's. She seemed most interested in controlling the people in her life, whereas the Abbotts are so open to their children's thoughts and ideas that Carl went barefoot at the boys' suggestion. In contrast, Barbara yelled at her daughter for not understanding a math problem.
And Richard, lighten up you brutish gangster!
As for the editing, I dont think it can change one's basic personality, if the viewer has a good sense of people and keeps their eyes open. Carl, for instance, never came across to me as controlling. I think people labeled him as such as a manifestation of their own feelings of inadequacy, that is, they'd love to have a relationship with their kids like he has with his, but they're too lazy to try, so lets pull him down instead...
As for the veggie mom, well, she did seem a bit over bearing (I'd be damned if i'd brush my teeth 5 times for anyone) but again, that's based on just a few minutes of seeing her in action. At any given time of the day, any of us might be a thug or a saint, and guess which brings higher ratings...
Frankly, I only really know my own family with whom I live day in and day out. But even here I notice how each of us sees the others (and indeed ourselves) as reflections of our own nature. More telling is the gullibility with which we believe our perceptions ? these reflections ? as objective reality. We hide this profound gullibility under a veil of 'sophistication and education'. Only in our private moments do we sense that naive and frightened little ape within.
The best I've been able to do is realize and accept my own gullible naivete and, well, just plain ignorance. Yes, I know a lot of folks are thinking, "Ah, finally he's realized it". Facing up to my own naivete makes me increasingly hesitant and reflective and less inclined to believe my lying eyes and ears. Ah, it's taken me 60+ years to 'achieve' what meager sense of this I have. I'm only slowly waking up from the life long dream I believed to be reality.
With regards to the judgements made about Barbara, I'll just quote myself...
I admit to not being perfect - far from it... I'm not asking to be redeemed by Trashing Spouses viewers - or anyone else. I don't need it. I have my family and friend's love and understanding. While this experience has shown me the worst in people, it has also shown me the best in people and it has been inspiring.
I don't need anyone's forgiveness either. I forgive myself for my mistakes. If there is a God, I know he/she forgives me too. What I ask is that viewers consider this one idea: What you saw might not be "reality." Consider, that the number 1 rule to creating "drama" (I know this as a performer and writer) is to create conflict. Consider: You never saw a single hostile "confrontation" between me and anyone I spent time with in LA. There were none. On the contrary, there were long walks in the swamp (breathtakingly beautiful), long talks about the important stuff, and so much laughter with Diana's family - my jaw hurt. Diego is a great guy and ZZ is a spirited, sweet kid. I'll never forget his flowers, his lessons, or his hugs. Diana is a soulful and strong woman who I admire. I want only the best for all of the Loupes (and their animals).
Bottom line: I'm a happy person with love in my heart. My husband and I laugh so much. We even laugh about Trashing Spouses (finally). We are madly in love after 20 years together. Our total love and committment is a reflection of our values and the person I truly am. I am so happy and grateful to say that I respect this husband and father after so many years. He is my best friend. And he loves and respects me too, because hell, I'm really not that bad after all.
My kids are KIND kids who don't have a prejudice or hostile bone in thier body. Everyone who meets them comments on their friendliness, their intelligence, and thier sense of humor. They play team sports and understand what being a team player and a good sport means. They are "award winning kids" as one of their teachers put it the day after the show aired, in an effort to console me. Jack was literally winning an award that day for academics. His mom may not be a great speller, but she is committed to their education and happiness 100 percent. So, I will take some of the credit for their big hearts, smart minds, and strong bodies because they are a reflection of my values.
It was no coincidence that you didn't see that side of these rambunctious kids. But it would have run counter to the controlling, mean mother the show would have you believe I am. Don't you find it peculiar that you NEVER saw that side of them? In a whole week of filming - with the mean controlling mom out of the picture? Wouldn't they have cut loose at least a little? Where was it? I mean come ON, it's not natural that an 11 and 8 year old never played. It's so blatant.
The whole premise was overkill if you really think about it (LOL).
So... this could very well be my first and last reply. I've said my piece and I really don't want to spend too much more energy on people who are unkind... altho I will admit, in my heart of hearts... I do wish it might soften peoples hostility towards the vegan villian they think they know. I wish it might soften peoples hostility in general. We either put out positive or negative energy in this life - too much is wasted on the negative.
If you get to read this Barbara, I guess here is what I have to say..
It is true that reality TV shows are bad for 'convenient editing', it is very easy to make one look good or bad - like they say: when one's life is examined under the microscope, it's impossible to look good. And it would be unfair for me to just label you as a bad person or a good person as none of us I believe have that right to judge each other.
Although, as much as that show aimed to portray you as a bad mother and a controlling person, I know that you and your family knows first hand what it was really like and therefore knows how to interpret it. I hope however, that you were able to see some of the moments captured on the show and learn from them. None of us are perfect, but the least we can do is strive to be better.
So.. I wanted to say that Diana was very generous about what she did with your $50,000, she may not have spent some of the money on things YOU would have wanted, but she did leave MOST of it up to you and your family. And unfortunately, you weren't able to give that chance to Diana and her family. Yes you were looking out for their best interests from your perspective - but as much as you thought a jacuzzi was rediculous, don't you think that ecofriendly motors for their boats would have been silly too in their eyes? You thought it was wise for Diana to give you $20k to spend on whatever you'd like, was it wise to leave nothing for the other family to choose to spend on?
And regarding the various comments you made about Louisiana being more behind than California, Diana's clothes were outdated, and implying that Diana and Diego made parenting mistakes - these are all judgemental comments that you don't like us making about you..
I think the take home message from my post is, there is no right or wrong way, there is no right or wrong view, NO ONE can call themselves a better person than the next at the end of the day, we all need to respect and be open to other people's culture and lifestyle, especially if you put yourself on a show that requires you to share your life with someone else. I think Diana was able to do that by cooking vegan, she may be worse in the cut off edits but at least she did that. Were you able to step aside, be open to her family and hold off the preaching about animal rights?
Well I hope at least that the families were able to enjoy their holidays
Judy Li
p.s. did you know that eating soy is not necessary 'great' for everyone? it contains environmental oestrogens (the 'female hormone') which can lower sperm count and therefore reducing fertility rate.
Barbara if you are reading this, Im sure it must hurt - but I wonder if it makes you realise how hard it must have been for Diana listening to the critisisms you made about her and her family, which were cruel and extremely judgmental.
Dosnt it make you sad to see the effort that she put in with your family and knowing that you couldnt make the same connection with hers.
I agree that editing can play a part - but was the scene of you hitting the dog staged? Was the ungratefulness for the $50,000 a fake - your daughter was so happy to get the jaccuzi - she looked at you and she was so proud because she thought you would have liked it and you just slapped her down - she looked afraid of you, dosnt that make you sad?
I can honestly say that your Children are in need of much love and attention after the way you yelled at them on TV. Shame on you. Your friends are just as bad if not worse, They interigated "Diane" something chronic and yet here she was going out of HER way to keep your family or friends or whatever they are happy by cooking them a Vegan Gumbo.. What did YOU do?? Made her family eat your crappy vegetarian burgers. There was No respect there for her OR her family and you even had the Ordasity to put on a stinkin vegan video so that they would see a different side to "Veganism??" you have got to be kidding me!
You need to learn to "Respect" other people's Way's, Value's and Moral's the way they would yours, people are different wether you like it or not not everyone is a vegan.
The way YOU went about it would be enough to put off anyone including other Vegans!
Well, well, so you guys 'down under' are finally getting to see reality
First, unless you scrupulously analyze the tape you'd never believe how extensive TV editors can manipulate the story so as to end up showing the complete opposite of what actually happened.
We were baffled when we watched our show last December. It was surreal. The next day my son Luke slowed down the tape we recorded and went through it scene by scene to figure out how the editors managed to tinker with what actually happened during our 'trading moms' week to give the TV show that surreal quality we saw. We were dumbfounded.
For example: The boys and I did Yoga with Vickie who had never done Yoga before. She did great and we had a fine old time. On the TV show, however, the editors took five, count them, 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 separate sound bites to get me to say, "I tried to show // Vickie // how to do it, // I could feel that she wasn't // taking me seriously." I actually said the exact opposite.
Luke documented dozens of examples of where the TV editors sniped, switched, and pasted the original video and audio to fabricate the story they wanted to tell. We had all these details posted on this site for months. As a family, though, we figured it was time to move on and so have removed that material.
Alas, the moral of this is you can't believe anything you hear OR SEE; technology makes faking anything child's play and completely believable. What a curious time to be alive.
We are yet to see your episode which screens 2nd June (Next Week) which would be good as I dont think alot of us Kiwi's have NOT experienced the greatness of "Yoga" we will keep an eye out though.
As for Barbara? she did come off as mean wether it was edited or not. The fact that she did this: "Barbara also notes that veggie burgers are good because they fight cancer. She better hope that they do, because our very next shot shows Barbara lighting up a cancer stick outside"
and the way her friends or family treated "Diana" was an outrage!
The way she treated "Diana's" family when they turned up early?
The way she expected everyone to change to be like her?
How she treated the family dog? (Mind you I would do that too, but it contradicts the way she is with animals)
The way she snapped at her Children? ?Whatever?s on here, we?re going to choose to be happy,? she says..She sounded well and Truly like a Cry Baby before she found out that she was getting $20k :roll:
Mocking her Husband because he wanted to start an "Orchard?" (How can THAT be edited!)
and threatens that if the kids cry, they won?t get any lettuce wraps!
And that LETTER she wrote to Diana about her parenting! OMG thats just a Huge "No No" you do not TELL people how they should be with their children! What the hell made her think that ZZ was depressed? Maybe he was because "SHE" was there!!
Brushing your teeth 5 times? Seriously? Diego should have stepped in and said something to her I know I would have and it wouldnt of been nice..
All in all, Barbara pissed off alot of people around the world.. as you can clearly see. Edited or not Barbara you came out the fool in the end. :shock:
Im sorry Carl.. but she is a Nasty piece of work!
Thanks for your time and ta taa for now.
Welcome aboard!
Now, of course, I can only speak from our experience. But, after seeing how cleaverly they fiddled with the raw footage I am all the more tentative and hesitant about what my senses percieve. And being a Taoist, that is saying a lot!
So, we're on next week. Oh, goody :roll:. Listen carefully as you watch us drive back from the airport with Vickie. She will ask whether we have "coffee" or "TV". You will hear us say "No". And then I think they show Vickie making a 'face'. The fact is we have about 5 or 6 TVs and coffee from Costco (that means a ton of coffee).
So, right from the get go, the editors are 'guiding' your perception of who the 'Abbotts' are.
Anyway, enjoy the show. And watch and listen carefully and you may notice some of the 'tricks'. I am wondering if noticing the deceptions will make the show more or less enjoyable??? Let us know.
and yes no doubt you will have us "Kiwi's" back on your board again..
What an experience huh? Would you do it again?
All I can say is read this message board take it in and remember...
"The truth shall set you free"
Dont make judgements on others if you cant handle being judged yourself, Im sure you can understand how it isnt really your place to diagnose another persons child with depression and then consequently blame it on a woman you havnt met yet....
Did you think that maybe ZZ just wasnt made to feel comfortable by you? Wether sneaky editing was involved or not - it was plainly obvious that you regard yourself as a person above your host family - maybe he noticed that you were looking down on him from your high horse.....
Welcome to the boards!
after watching the vegan mom im suprised... how can she blame her own actions on the camera? I believe that she should own up to her mistakes and try tob fix them... bitching about people and the clothes they wear does not give her a good image... but i also believe people should let it go now. I think Barbara has realised her mistake and will try to fix it. Maybe we should all take this down... instead of fighting back when someone accuses us of something... maybe we should reflect and change the way people see us.
Carl i will enjoy watching your show.. i watch it on a weekly basis and am delighted to be talking to you! It is quite exciting
Cheers!
Get riled up.. who cares??? afterall its just a forum aint it.. We all go to say our piece now we can move on.. just because some disagree with HER doesnt mean they are not allowed an opinion.
:roll:
Well, if people are laying it on thick for something that didn't happen, I get riled up (since the same thing happened to us). And besides, how on earth do you know the things on the Barb/Diana show actually happened?
Let's just say for the sake of argument (and please don't take this personally at all, 'cause this is just for the sake of argument) that YOU were portrayed on TV as a big chunky abusing spoiled rancourous swab who is lazy and doesn't care about anything except yourself . . . and you just slashed somebody's tires . . . and to top it off, somebody edits some video of you talking so you say "I love the devil" and I say "the truth will set you free." Now that's my opinion (which it is not at all truthful, of course, but let's just say it is) but even knowing that, are you sure you wouldn't feel even a touch of retaliation or "hurtness" for that comment of something you didn't do?
Look at it in perspective of the "victim."
Sorry if I got a bit heavy.
Cheers!
You say:
"Who the hell died and made you "GOD" How dare you go and Judge other people's family morals when your own is to be questioned"
Jo_NZ who made YOU God and who are YOU to judge this Vegan mum?
You go off about her being judgemental, you are a complete hypocrite, all you did was go nuts in disgust at her, and here you are being just as bad. How stupid!
You came off looking like a right idiot there.
It's a TV Programme, grow up! Editing does these things. I'm not saying she was a great person, but she's probably no where near as bad as she's been made out either.
You Say "Have Respect for others and dont be such a BITCH!"
HAHA.. EAT YOUR OWN WORDS!!!!
Booorinnggg!