[cite] Carl:[/cite]The report in Science New (last year I think) surveyed how mothers from 3 cultures, Japan, Mayan and USA raised their kids. The first two sleep with them to make them feel a secure part of their family. The USA mother's put their kids in a crib in another room to make them independent. That we make a virtue out of this practice is as un-natural as the circumcision they preform of women in the Sudan (or here on boys).
Un-natural? If we were not meant to be independent, we'd have been born along with our mother. Just because the Japanese and the Mayans do it, doesn't mean that those who don't are conforming to an "un-natural" practice. In fact, since you live in the USA, I'd say what you're doing is un-natural.
And to all the people who posted who also let their kids sleep with them, can you not tell the difference between yourselves and Carl? Your kids are 2, 6, 10 and the likes. His are TEENAGERS. And one is almost 20!
My kids slept in our bed for their first year or so of life, then they began sleeping in their own beds, sometimes with me and sometimes alone. They both decided somewhere along the way that they preferred sleeping in the living room, on our two sofas. They feel closer to us and to each other, as they are now right outside our bedroom (and we leave the door open at night). If we had space in our bedroom, they might have chosen to camp out in there, and that would have been fine. If they're still sleeping on the sofa when they're teenagers, I will have no problem with that. And frankly, if they were still camping out in our bedroom I am certain I would have no problem with that either. Our sleeping arrangements may differ, but I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with how the Abbotts share sleep. When we go on vacation, or spend a week at the inlaws' house, the four of us share a bedroom, and it's always FUN for us - while my husband's brother "needs" to have a room for him and his wife and additional rooms for each kid, we're all piled into one room, and we love it (plus, it's much more convenient for the inlaws. It's an occassional fun treat for us all to share a room at night, and I could definitely envision doing it full time, were our house laid out a little differently.
I sometimes forget how rigid the average American is regarding issues such as this - the whole Trading Spouses "controversy" has reminded me of how little we value diversity in this country. It's sad, really.
So what?
What does where a person SLEEP have anything to do with independence?
And BTW, babies ARE born along us. If we were meant to shoo our kids into another room or a crib to sleep, then they would not grow inside us for nine months.
Thats why child are born, and not hatched!
No, y'all sleep in one hot sweaty pile and theres so much sex going on (some involoving vegetables & ducks) that none of you ever get any sleep and that's why your brain is frazzled so you think American culture is wrong and taoism is the answer...LOL
-sorry, just amazes / amuses / sickens me how some people think anything outside the mainstream accepted 'way' is wrong...
"one's almost 20!"... I can just see this writer wiping his sweaty brow over the indecency of this...always love when age is brought into things, as if it means anything.
I know y'all must encounter daunting amounts of criticism, living in ways that seem strange to your neighbors (or at least to people who are reading/writing to this message board). But I believe the poster who asked about the sexual issues surrounding the family bed was curious. Why would honest curiosity and attempted understanding bug you so much? I don't think a family bed is bad, and I'm not criticizing, it's just something i've never thought about is all. If it's the first time you've come across a concept, you are bound to be curious about its execution. I think you should have answered her/him! The person didn't seem hostile, just curious. I hope someone here will think about responding thoughtfully to that person's honest inquiry.
P.S. We don't have a family bed - our children are 7 and 13, and so it may be too late to introduce it - but my husband and I have extremely differing clocks. He's a morning person and I'm a night person. We rarely, if ever, get intimate at bed time. And we do get intimate pertty frequently, but also we're physically close without taking our clothes off. We talk a lot more than most people who've been married as long as we have, but also sometimes go hours without speaking (he hates 'puters and I'm attached to mine like it's one of myh children). Where there's a will, there's a way, but if you're THAT driven, so that it's ALL you think about, then you're not getting close for the right reasons anyway.
Thanks, and God (as you understand him/her) bless!
P.S. I'm having trouble with the font and size. Is it me, and I need to set something differntly, or have y'all adjusted somehow, LOL?
LOL. I just had to say something about your post regarding sexual hangups. Tonight, I came downstairs and asked my brother if I could borrow a Playboy magazine (I am a girl). I didn't think anything of it, really, until a few hours later I noticed my brothers friends looking at me weirdly. All I wanted was to draw from it, to get a pose, and they were .... well ..... lol. To me it was no different than taking life drawing classes, but ....
It's time for the sons to get their own rooms. It's nice to have a room of one's own.
The younger son looks sad.
The older son looks like he is ready to see the world. Baby chick needs to fly and leave the nest. Or else he will always feel like a baby and be too afraid to be an adult.
Your family seemed really nice and very normal. Who cares that you do things sort of different from others? Everybody does things different, some just more so than others.
Fox clearly edited the episode and crafted a "Reality" made for TV. All the World is a stage......
But I believe the poster who asked about the sexual issues surrounding the family bed was curious. Why would honest curiosity and attempted understanding bug you so much?
Only speaking for myself, but I get iffed, because 1) It really is a stupid question. Does the mainstream world REALLY think that he only place to have sex is in your bedroom?
WHy does it even have to be asked? What sick things are 'curious' and others thinking of?
It's time for the sons to get their own rooms.
I'm sure they appreciate that advice. I bet it's something they have not heard at all these last 2 weeks, lol
It's nice to have a room of one's own.
Maybe for you, but not for me. I hate it. I can't sleep alone and I don't want to.
It has been stated more than once by Carl as well as Luke and Kyle that they can sleep anywhere they want.
The younger son looks sad.
He looked normal to me
Buddy1 said it pretty well..
-sorry, just amazes / amuses / sickens me how some people think anything outside the mainstream accepted 'way' is wrong...
I understand the benefits of the family bed - it makes practical and emotional sense to me and I plan to co-sleep with my children when I have them.
To echo a post below, I don't see why the question about sexual relations is so offensive. I don't think anyone's implying that you are engaging in bizarre sexual acts with your children. I am more interested in the logistical aspects as someone who would like to practice co-sleeping.
I think people's disapproval with the Abbott situation is Carl's refusal to consider the idea of separate bedrooms. Even if not used for sleeping purposes, a space of one's own might be useful to meditate, work, etc. Carl was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to explore areas of the world that most people will never see. As a Taoist, I would expect your children to follow their own path and encounter their own experiences. They are awesome children and you have provided them with a solid foundation. Let them explore, they'll come back!
p.s.
I liked your impromptu blues jam - you guys were rockin'!
Carl's refusal to consider the idea of separate bedrooms.
What refusal?
Remember, FOX twisted it so that in the show, it was made out that Carl did not want the sons to have their own bedrooms. Or am I remembering a different section of the episode?
I think what Ms. Frizzle means by "What refusal?" is that my dad didn't refuse anything, since it was all fabricated through clever editing to support Vickie's viewpoint.
[cite] Ms. Frizzle:[/cite]Yep, thats what I meant.
Well, I know this has been said again and again, but what a low-handed thing for FOX to do, twist this all around. Low-handed? It's the word I'm looking for but I don't think it's spelled right. Ah, whatever.
Watching football last Sunday, saw y Vikings lose to the Seahawks...but since it was on Fox, I don't believe it-I think they really won, and it was edited to make it look like they lost, at least for the Northwest audiences...
I'm almost 21 years old, in fact in only 5 days, and I still sleep with my mom in the same bed. She has her own bed, and I my own, but we both prefer to sleep together because of the comfort that we can give each other. When I finally got my own room in college, I had friends sleep over with me, because I missed that comfort. I don't see why it's so strange to sleep with people, and cuddle. It's not all about sex and being dependent. It's about love and closeness, and being human and alive!!! And when I go home in 3 days, I'm going to share the bed with her again. I wouldn't have it any other way!
It's FOX; it's reality TV; it's a week's worth of footage boiled down to 2 hours that must be interesting enough to keep people watching. I'm surprised so many of you all were surprised at the editing. What did you expect?
Ditto to everything arletian said, only I'm almost 19 (in a couple of weeks). I don't sleep in there at the moment, because my pet rats like the company. (Uh, I should probably verify that they're in a cage, not sleeping in the bed with me...lol) I would probably sleep in her room more often, if the family dog didn't despise me and think that's HIS side of the bed. He's old and crotchety, and very cute, so he gets his way. When we moved from Arkansas to Virginia, we lived with my uncle for a while and shared a bed. We shared one for several months after that, when we moved into our own place and I didn't have a comfortable one. We kept each other up giggling quite a bit.
Also, we looked at one another and laughed during the second episode, when Vickie commented on it's being abnormal for an eighteen-year-old not to be driving. I don't drive...don't even have a permit, let alone my license (my choice). Vickie can come over here--she'd think we're total loons. My sisters unschool, Mom and I work from home, and we enjoy one anothers company enough that when we go somewhere, it's together. I've dated one young man, and he (the horrors!) came here for a few dinners with the family; we didn't go out (also my choice). Unfortunately, I'm not nearly as nice as the Abbotts, and I'd give anyone who got annoying enough about our lifestyle a nice verbal thrashing.
This is only my take on the bed thing.
Me and my husband have separate for privacy reasons for us and our kids.Sex is a part of marriage however big or small,how do you think you had them kids to begin with.
I love being intament with my husband in private weather it be sex or kissing at night.
I read that the bed is not the only place to have sex and that is true but the kitchen counter or the couch just isn't appealing to me.
If your child wakes up several times a week to crawl in bed with you,that is different I would never turn away my kids.
To the poster who said she sleeps with her child and not her husband(for I think a few years now)how selfish of you and how sad for your husband.
The mother who breast fed until her child was 5.My GOD you have issues and need to be evaluated.That is not a joke.You need some counseling or soon your child will.
I came to this site for many reasons and one of them was the yoga part.This site has become unfortunately somewhere for the freaks to hang out at.
I wonder to the Abbott family,what do you think of the things you have heard,breast feeding till 5 and the other abnormal crap.
How dare you come to this family's personal website and start calling people "freaks" and saying that the lifestyles people lead are "abnormal crap"!!!
Forget about yoga for now, and get your head screwed on right first and foremost. Extended breastfeeding and cosleeping may be somewhat rare in the US, but they are NOT abnormal or unhealthy. The only unhealthy thing I have read on this website is YOUR attitude. :roll:
I think you're just trying to be difficult and argumentative just for the hell of it, so I'm not going to reply further. My only advice would be to look up worldwide stats on breastfeeding - what's "sick" is this culture's reliance on formula. My son weaned when I was pregnant with my daughter and my milk dried up about halfway through the pregnancy. My daughter nursed until a few months after her third birthday. I was committed to letting them wean in their own time, and she weaned when she was ready. My kids' pediatrician said I was the only mom she knew of who nursed past age 1 - that was both surprising and saddening, because the benefits continue on well past the first year. While I didn't nurse until my kids were 5, I certainly don't think it's "sick" or "weird", and from a global perspective it's fairly common. In the US, we tend to do things VERY differently (and often worse) than the rest of the world, then feel we have a monopoly on what's right and "normal." That's one of the big problems with this country, IMO.
Maybe you should study some history of breastfeeding. Really, what's sick is how judgemental people have allowed themselves to become of those with different lifestyles that are not harmful, and in this case beneficial to others - especially in this country. What is it that makes it 'sick' ? Where was that idea learned? Advertisers? Pop culture icons? The government?
This kind of blind intolerance that we can't seem to shake from the world... I don't know, something about it smells of the term that's been tossed around so often of late on this site - brainwashing.
Comments
Un-natural? If we were not meant to be independent, we'd have been born along with our mother. Just because the Japanese and the Mayans do it, doesn't mean that those who don't are conforming to an "un-natural" practice. In fact, since you live in the USA, I'd say what you're doing is un-natural.
I sometimes forget how rigid the average American is regarding issues such as this - the whole Trading Spouses "controversy" has reminded me of how little we value diversity in this country. It's sad, really.
Susan
So what?
What does where a person SLEEP have anything to do with independence?
And BTW, babies ARE born along us. If we were meant to shoo our kids into another room or a crib to sleep, then they would not grow inside us for nine months.
Thats why child are born, and not hatched!
-sorry, just amazes / amuses / sickens me how some people think anything outside the mainstream accepted 'way' is wrong...
"one's almost 20!"... I can just see this writer wiping his sweaty brow over the indecency of this...always love when age is brought into things, as if it means anything.
P.S. We don't have a family bed - our children are 7 and 13, and so it may be too late to introduce it - but my husband and I have extremely differing clocks. He's a morning person and I'm a night person. We rarely, if ever, get intimate at bed time. And we do get intimate pertty frequently, but also we're physically close without taking our clothes off. We talk a lot more than most people who've been married as long as we have, but also sometimes go hours without speaking (he hates 'puters and I'm attached to mine like it's one of myh children). Where there's a will, there's a way, but if you're THAT driven, so that it's ALL you think about, then you're not getting close for the right reasons anyway.
Thanks, and God (as you understand him/her) bless!
P.S. I'm having trouble with the font and size. Is it me, and I need to set something differntly, or have y'all adjusted somehow, LOL?
The younger son looks sad.
The older son looks like he is ready to see the world. Baby chick needs to fly and leave the nest. Or else he will always feel like a baby and be too afraid to be an adult.
Fox clearly edited the episode and crafted a "Reality" made for TV. All the World is a stage......
WHy does it even have to be asked? What sick things are 'curious' and others thinking of?
I'm sure they appreciate that advice. I bet it's something they have not heard at all these last 2 weeks, lol
Maybe for you, but not for me. I hate it. I can't sleep alone and I don't want to.
It has been stated more than once by Carl as well as Luke and Kyle that they can sleep anywhere they want.
He looked normal to me
Buddy1 said it pretty well..
To echo a post below, I don't see why the question about sexual relations is so offensive. I don't think anyone's implying that you are engaging in bizarre sexual acts with your children. I am more interested in the logistical aspects as someone who would like to practice co-sleeping.
I think people's disapproval with the Abbott situation is Carl's refusal to consider the idea of separate bedrooms. Even if not used for sleeping purposes, a space of one's own might be useful to meditate, work, etc. Carl was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to explore areas of the world that most people will never see. As a Taoist, I would expect your children to follow their own path and encounter their own experiences. They are awesome children and you have provided them with a solid foundation. Let them explore, they'll come back!
p.s.
I liked your impromptu blues jam - you guys were rockin'!
Remember, FOX twisted it so that in the show, it was made out that Carl did not want the sons to have their own bedrooms. Or am I remembering a different section of the episode?
Well, I know this has been said again and again, but what a low-handed thing for FOX to do, twist this all around. Low-handed? It's the word I'm looking for but I don't think it's spelled right. Ah, whatever.
Also, we looked at one another and laughed during the second episode, when Vickie commented on it's being abnormal for an eighteen-year-old not to be driving. I don't drive...don't even have a permit, let alone my license (my choice). Vickie can come over here--she'd think we're total loons. My sisters unschool, Mom and I work from home, and we enjoy one anothers company enough that when we go somewhere, it's together. I've dated one young man, and he (the horrors!) came here for a few dinners with the family; we didn't go out (also my choice). Unfortunately, I'm not nearly as nice as the Abbotts, and I'd give anyone who got annoying enough about our lifestyle a nice verbal thrashing.
Me and my husband have separate for privacy reasons for us and our kids.Sex is a part of marriage however big or small,how do you think you had them kids to begin with.
I love being intament with my husband in private weather it be sex or kissing at night.
I read that the bed is not the only place to have sex and that is true but the kitchen counter or the couch just isn't appealing to me.
If your child wakes up several times a week to crawl in bed with you,that is different I would never turn away my kids.
To the poster who said she sleeps with her child and not her husband(for I think a few years now)how selfish of you and how sad for your husband.
The mother who breast fed until her child was 5.My GOD you have issues and need to be evaluated.That is not a joke.You need some counseling or soon your child will.
I came to this site for many reasons and one of them was the yoga part.This site has become unfortunately somewhere for the freaks to hang out at.
I wonder to the Abbott family,what do you think of the things you have heard,breast feeding till 5 and the other abnormal crap.
Forget about yoga for now, and get your head screwed on right first and foremost. Extended breastfeeding and cosleeping may be somewhat rare in the US, but they are NOT abnormal or unhealthy. The only unhealthy thing I have read on this website is YOUR attitude. :roll:
Susan
Breastfeeding till 5 is just simply sick.
My head is on tight,how about yours?
Susan
That is because you do not agree with me and that's OK.This is my opinion.
Breasts are for breastfeeding.What else are they good for?
I still find it sick to feed until 5 years old.
This kind of blind intolerance that we can't seem to shake from the world... I don't know, something about it smells of the term that's been tossed around so often of late on this site - brainwashing.
What the heck is brainwashing
who is brainwashing
where do you get brainwashing
Because I think a 5 year old sucking on their mothers teet is wrong you think I am brainwashed.
How in the hell does a 5 year old eat milk and cookies.....on it's moms lap?
How about cereal?
how does chocolate milk work?
I can be wrong sometimes and see someone elses view on things and say"wow their right,I never thought of it that way"
WELL THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I also disagree with the mom who choses to sleep with her daughter instead of her husband.
How bazzar
When a child can chew their own food,make it themselves,drink out of a cup,know how to read,abc's,123's
Thats what makes it sick.
If you look at this devil you may get brainwashed!!!!!
:twisted: