been kinda quiet so ... how do y'all deal with stress.

Barbara and Diana's show aired about 10 minutes ago in New Zealand, I felt so strongly about some of the things that the show 'shown' to us that I went and searched for it, and here I am.

If you get to read this Barbara, I guess here is what I have to say..

It is true that reality TV shows are bad for 'convenient editing', it is very easy to make one look good or bad - like they say: when one's life is examined under the microscope, it's impossible to look good. And it would be unfair for me to just label you as a bad person or a good person as none of us I believe have that right to judge each other.

Although, as much as that show aimed to portray you as a bad mother and a controlling person, I know that you and your family knows first hand what it was really like and therefore knows how to interpret it. I hope however, that you were able to see some of the moments captured on the show and learn from them. None of us are perfect, but the least we can do is strive to be better.

So.. I wanted to say that Diana was very generous about what she did with your $50,000, she may not have spent some of the money on things YOU would have wanted, but she did leave MOST of it up to you and your family. And unfortunately, you weren't able to give that chance to Diana and her family. Yes you were looking out for their best interests from your perspective - but as much as you thought a jacuzzi was rediculous, don't you think that ecofriendly motors for their boats would have been silly too in their eyes? You thought it was wise for Diana to give you $20k to spend on whatever you'd like, was it wise to leave nothing for the other family to choose to spend on?

And regarding the various comments you made about Louisiana being more behind than California, Diana's clothes were outdated, and implying that Diana and Diego made parenting mistakes - these are all judgemental comments that you don't like us making about you..

I think the take home message from my post is, there is no right or wrong way, there is no right or wrong view, NO ONE can call themselves a better person than the next at the end of the day, we all need to respect and be open to other people's culture and lifestyle, especially if you put yourself on a show that requires you to share your life with someone else. I think Diana was able to do that by cooking vegan, she may be worse in the cut off edits but at least she did that. Were you able to step aside, be open to her family and hold off the preaching about animal rights?

Well I hope at least that the families were able to enjoy their holidays :)


Judy Li

p.s. did you know that eating soy is not necessary 'great' for everyone? it contains environmental oestrogens (the 'female hormone') which can lower sperm count and therefore reducing fertility rate.

Comments

  • edited December 1969
    Subject header says it all. How do y'all deal with stress ? family, job, social, just curious.

    part of the reason I ask is that I have my 84 y/o father living with me, I'm 48, and at times it gets VERY stressful. I've lived on my own for 28 years and now its like I'm 16 again. yanno, where are you going, how long will you be gone, what time will you be back, etc ? I don't want to be disrespectful, but I'm used to coming and going as I pleased. I love my dad but I am a very private and reserved guy and such things are starting to stress me out. So far I've managed to bite my tounge and not snap out. Also, I'm not much of a conversationalist and dad is very much a talker. We don't even have that much in common, dad is very "old world" and I am ultra modern.

    a bit of background, dad's wife died of alzeheimers last February and all he has is social security and that doesn't go very far. So being the "good" son, I invited him to live with me as he has no where else to turn.

    thanks for letting me rant !!! it helps to "talk" this out.

    peace out,
    bob
  • edited December 1969
    If it were me, I would try to discuss it with ?dad?. And, as soon as emotions, either mine or his, began stirring I?d postpone the discussion until calmness returned - be that minutes, hours or days. Of course even that approach can be difficult when the emotional ?stakes? are high. Speaking of emotional ?stakes?, I just posted some thoughts which may shed light, albeit dimly, on your situation.
    [cite] unclebob:[/cite]So far I've managed to bite my tongue and not snap out. Also, I'm not much of a conversationalist and dad is very much a talker. We don't even have that much in common, dad is very "old world" and I am ultra modern.

    If you bite your tongue, you?ll likely end up making a mountain out of a mole hill. This may be an opportunity for you to discover the ocean of similarities between ?old world? and ?ultra modern?. The puddle of difference between "old" and "new" is the mole hill that we turn into a mountain. It is in the eye of the beholder. If you, as the beholder, let your mind dwell of the ?puddle? you?ll never see the ?ocean?. Of course, emotion drags our mind into the ?puddles?. Yep, it is certainly easier said than done.

    Still, what choice have you? Such milestones in our lives are the grist that bring us to [chref=51] maturity.[/chref]! Take it one step at a time, but do take a step instead of just stewing. The stewing will just make the stress more acute. As we say: [chref=64]A journey of a thousand miles, Starts from beneath one's feet.[/chref] So get hopping. :)
  • edited December 1969
    Get your dad involved in some things on his own-senior centers-volunteer work-assuming he can get around alright. and take advantage of this opportunity to talk to him, about things you've never discussed, especially his younger life-this is living history. Dont pass up this chance. someday, if you're lucky, you'll be in his shoes...

    and I believe this is my 500th post-yay me!
  • edited December 1969
    [cite] Buddy1:[/cite]and I believe this is my 500th post-yay me!

    Ah shucks! I'll never catch up. :cry:

    Ditto your suggestions to unclebob. It is like the question, is the cup is half empty or half full? Each event in life offers a 'negative' or a 'positive'... a 'setback' or an 'opportunity', depending on how we view it. The challenge, of course, is to perceive the 'opportunity' even though our gut insists it's a 'setback'.
  • edited December 1969
    I have a friend whose mother moved in with her. Her Mom pushes all her buttons (that's pretty common). My friend is using the experience in her mindfulness practice. Each time her Mom says or does something that makes her feel nuts, she just watches the feelings/energy/thoughts. The feelings are so strong, they are very easy to watch! From there she can move on to being mindful of more subtle reactions. I admire her very much for using this setback as an opportunity. Pretty cool.
  • edited December 1969
    I heard once that the reason your parents can push your buttons so well is because they installed them.
  • edited December 1969
    The other version of this is : the reason your parents can pull your strings is because they are the ones who tied them there! :)
  • edited December 1969
    If he hasnt lived with you in so long perhaps he just needs to get to know the adult you.
  • edited December 1969
    how do i deal with stress? theres the question of the month...the answer is not very well-just in the last couple of weeks, ive lost my kid, my job, been to a shrink and a doctor for stress and got interviwed by cops today and may face charges for menacing...so maybe ive just had more than my share all at once...i find crying and lots walking helps a bit...
  • edited December 1969
    oh man Buddy, sorry to hear about all your troubles, it makes mine pale by comparison. I hope you get it all worked out.
  • edited December 1969
    thanx...this too shall pass...dont care about any of it except seeing my kid again...everything else is just ripples in the pond...
  • edited December 1969
    I speak to anyone, nobody in particular. My response is made directly to this post that it may be received indirectly.

    When I am "stressed" I find it is usually because I am resisting something the way it is, saying to myself it should be some other way instead. The more right I am about how it should be, the more stressed I am.

    When I can be with all aspects of life, embrace it as a whole, celebrate each moment, be without judgement of what is going on, then I can be without "stress".

    I believe in opposites. Everything has an opposite and they never exist independantly. Allow the opposite of what you want into your life and you will get what you want. Until you do, you will have no freedom to have what you want and you will be stressed.

    This makes no sense to you, maybe. It won't unless you know it for yourself.

    Allow "no peace" that you may have "peace".

    Wishing you no peace,
    topher
  • JoeJoe
    edited December 1969
    For me, what you said Topher is part of the Buddhist thinking about suffering. Suffering is a part of life. My stress increases the more I try to get out of the suffering. Which just doesn't work. However, as you pointed out, if I can embrace the whole of life, the whole of a difficult situation, it's not quite so difficult. Reality is what it is; acceptance of the suffering inherent in life makes contentment more likely, and fighting against reality takes me away from contentment.
  • edited December 1969
    Yes. I can see that.

    If you are complete (accepting) about the suffering, what will also be there is not suffering (law of opposites). If you are incomplete (not accepting) about the suffering, what will be there is just suffering.

    I think you are saying the same thing in another way.
  • edited December 1969
    Thank you Topher and Joe. What you are saying is very useful to me right now.

    I want a simple, non-busy, quiet life. I love order; I fight chaos. I love solitude; I hate crowds. I love being home; I hate traveling. I just realized how resistant I am to anything but what I want. So maybe embracing the oppposite might change my whole life.

    hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
  • edited December 1969
    Hi Topher. It sounds like you're [chref=40]turning back[/chref] steadily toward a Taoist point of view. :)
    [cite] Topher:[/cite]... I believe in opposites....
    ... Allow "no peace" that you may have "peace".
    ... I find it helpful to remember that there is actually no reality in "Opposites". Yin and yang are illusions of our nervous system. Sure opposites feel real. And the table my keyboard rests on feels solid. Yet, it is composed of mostly space with a minuscule scattering of atoms giving me the illusion of solidity.

    Having a good day prepares the way for having a bad day, and visa versa. We simply can't have one without the other, no matter how much we pretend we can. Stress is the battle waging between the two. The only alternative is the experience of feeling them [chref=56]mysteriously the same[/chref]. As the difficulty telling them apart increases, you begin returning to be the animal you have always been.

    ... As we "allow" for a bad day, our difficulty telling the good days from the bad ones withers. And what are [chref=2]'good' and 'bad'[/chref] but simply a symbolic abstraction of personal desire - what we love versus what we hate.

    Hmm... I guess the more [chref=23]words[/chref] we have for the 'same thing', the harder it becomes to see simply.
Sign In or Register to comment.