The Tao Te BORED;; please help.

Boy, isn't the path just amazing? My experience has taken me places that I would have never imagined before finally bringing me to the point where I realized how important a walk is. And I started walking with everything I have.

A several months ago my walk was at "its highest point yet" and I found myself constantly seeking to be a sacrifice for others. After taking in a homeless man before the cold winter in minnesota, usa came, I started to notice a decline in my consciousness, my control over the mind, the re-emergence of lust, the use of self-gratification as a form of escape from the bordom, and worst of all television series addiction (on the computer).

It is important to outline what has lead to all of this, and what I have been doing about it, as breifly as I can... 3 years ago I started showing serious signs of "mental illness" which grew stronger and stronger to the point of running away from home without even finishing college. I blamed everyone, and life got terrifyingly difficult. All of a sudden as if grace lifted my burden I got into a housing subsidy and started recieving food stamps. This freedom was wonderful, but at the same time opened doors that were not there before. Having nothing to do without any worries. Complete free time. Too many things happened to go into, but I started walking a spiritual path, many more things happen, and then we get back to the homeless man moving in here.

I do not want to discount the work that I am still doing. My spiritual understanding (if you will) has never stopped growing, once it starts, it has not even slowed down, I am so on to all the tricks my mind has, yet I keep falling for the same tricks, even when I see them very clearly. The mind doesn't even bother anymore to try and talk me into it;;; I just cannot find the words to truly explain this frustrating situation;; truly its like sometimes I just say screw it to my willpower and let lust do whatever, or bordom lead me to spending all day on the computer...

And that leads me to what I really need to know... What is someone supposed to do with 24/7/365 of nothing to do and almost nothing to worry about?

It has lead me to complacency with where I am, laziness is very strong now, unless the benefits are good enough. I don't even go outside much amymore (seems my roommate has had that impact on me, he never goes outside except for work, and he is on the depressed side...) but no one truly is to blame except for my mind.

My second question is that present moment awareness is amazing and it is easy to get into that, however some situations, like sitting inside all day, or waiting for a bus, or waiting in general, lead to becoming VERY sick of the present moment. Sometimes my mind finds the present moment so boring in fact, it has even turned to drug use to escape. How can someone who has nothing to do make the present moment still fun to be in?

What does someone do? What is there to do? Where do I start?


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