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Giving freely.. oh but you cant have that one!
Hi SleepyDave,
I don't think it's an intellectual thing. i.e. even if you believe this or that doesn't mean you couldn't be saddened. I think it just happens naturally. You ask why do we value one life over another. As I said before, I see our ducks mourn if one of their group dies. They aren't mourning for the rat that was found dead in their coup. I think it's just the way it is. We have 4 ducks. One is lame but gets around very slowly. When it's time to go in at night (so the raccoons won't kill them) they all come in together. The ducks slow down so that the lame one wont be left alone. They are very social animals as are humans. Some humans are more social than others of course.
I can think one thing (there is no such thing as death- we never were, etc) but that is only part of me. It's intellectual almost. I guess the more deeply you believed that, to the bottom of your core, that perhaps you would be less emotional. Maybe you are more in that realm. Personally, I tend to be very affected by some people in my life. When they are gone, I grieve. Birth and Death are so big in our lives. I cried when my kids were born. I haven't really given an answer, just more of my rambling. :?
I don't think it's an intellectual thing. i.e. even if you believe this or that doesn't mean you couldn't be saddened. I think it just happens naturally. You ask why do we value one life over another. As I said before, I see our ducks mourn if one of their group dies. They aren't mourning for the rat that was found dead in their coup. I think it's just the way it is. We have 4 ducks. One is lame but gets around very slowly. When it's time to go in at night (so the raccoons won't kill them) they all come in together. The ducks slow down so that the lame one wont be left alone. They are very social animals as are humans. Some humans are more social than others of course.
I can think one thing (there is no such thing as death- we never were, etc) but that is only part of me. It's intellectual almost. I guess the more deeply you believed that, to the bottom of your core, that perhaps you would be less emotional. Maybe you are more in that realm. Personally, I tend to be very affected by some people in my life. When they are gone, I grieve. Birth and Death are so big in our lives. I cried when my kids were born. I haven't really given an answer, just more of my rambling. :?
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But right now, i feel a stronger need to throw my hands up and cry 'help me im lost' more than i feel the need to try and impress you with how wise and balanced I am.
There's so much I wanna say, but its just toooo long so i'll just spit it out.
As the season changes and so called 'obstacles/oppotunities' occur i find myself centred, like an evergreen tree only proving in winter that it is truly evergreen.
But as all things have their time , i realise i am not evergreen.
I happily observe my 'leaves' falling away as beautiful as the process is. But without my 'say-so' i become aware that I only have a few left... and hey!.. I grew them!
'I' GREW them. They are there because of Me, mine. Loss returns. 'Shouldn?t feel like this, All i gotta do is let go' returns, and my 'free-will' computer crashes.
=
i am not ready to renounce my name.
My music, i thought i gave it freely,
knowing that it's not really 'mine' to give.
I used to want fame and recognition.
It was the thing that was gonna 'take me away from all this'
but now that the group is being offered it and Im suprised to find that I dont want for the life-style that comes along with it anymore, and the situation has actually come to the choice, i obviously already have begun to change that i DO want to 'trade-down' for the the simple and the still... but
i suddenly feel the work i have done to be precious, of me, mine.
Im not ready to let it go and allow the band to continue singing MY words, MY melodies born from MY inspiration... given to ME.
My heart, my mind, my skill.
Anyone else singing those words would not do it justice, they wouldnt understand! and interviews they do will make a mockery of my message.
And if they make LOTS of money on it!!! pah! ... it was due to me!!
It was OWED to me.
As you can tell, i spot the folly, trading 'stardom' , that dream, that promise, for true contentment only to miss on my first step by struggle just to let go.
This is the only 'chance' , my one shot at this. MY shot!
Its really weird, I dont need it anymore but cant let go of whats MINE!!
And how "wrong" yet understandable these feelings are, and there's that 'shouldnt feel like this, all i gotta do is..' feeling again. (plus, i gotta take the feelings of the other band members into consideration)
Carl i have to decide in the next couple of days!!!
I know that I WILL be ready to let go and not try to super-glue these works to my name, but my heart is not prepared yet... this is my best work, some beautiful poetry born from my journey so far. (if i may say so)
I dont know how much is genuine need to protect myself from regret should i never shake off the shackles of illusory possession, loss and separation,
and how much is that which i am trying to shake.
I havent got time to listen thru the noise to find out. I have to act.
(1) No worry. What I have to offer makes the "needy ones" run away as fast as they can. You're still here.
(2) It appears that you see one source of your quandary, namely either a conscious or subconscious 'faith' in "free will". I say 'faith' because it runs so deep in our psyche, deeper than the conscious belief. Look within and all around you. See if you can find any evidence of such a thing. I haven't. If you don't, that will make it easier to steer clear of that rather universal [chref=53]by-path[/chref].
(3) Sounds like you are caught up in a desire to [chref=38]never stray from virtue[/chref]. Is this not simply a symptom of your 'faith' in choice along with your ideal of what is [chref=2]good and beautiful[/chref]? Renunciation is [chref=3]contention[/chref] in disguise. You'll never will that war. Thus, "renounce" nothing; instead, embrace [chref=11]Nothing[/chref].
(4) The desire for "fame and recognition" is a symptom of an inner 'disconnect'. We feel that "fame and recognition" will 're-connect' us. Alas, our [chref=39]'solitary', 'desolate', and 'hapless'[/chref] feelings are within; nothing external will ever resolve this.
(5) Don't be afraid to be human... er, I mean an animal. We all are. Again, your feelings are symptoms. You did not choice to feel them, they 'chose' you. As you continue [chref=40]turning back[/chref], the symptoms will decrease. But, you cannot chose to 'turn back'. Patience soothes the journey; the journey nurtures patience. Our expectation of results poisons our [chref=35]passage[/chref].
(6) Again, you are not in control. You are not even! (i.e., the illusion of 'I' is actually just that). So, your natural 'being' is simply [chref=8]contending[/chref] with an idealized 'being'; the battle is being waged in your brain. The "folly" is your certainty that it is "folly". As folly and wisdom [chref=2]produce each other[/chref], how do you expect to win? Once we feel the utter futility of this path, the only thing left is to sink down into the [chref=61]lower position[/chref], wherein we find [chref=44]contentment[/chref]. But, this comes not through choice but because it is all that is possible in the end. Truly, [chref=17]it happens to us naturally[/chref].
(7) See! You've conjured up a 'constant' [chref=1]that can be named[/chref], an this ideal is pitting you against what is [chref=25]naturally so[/chref].
(8 ) Naturally!
Phew its been an interesting couple of weeks for me.
i would have thought it would have been difficult on so many levels to take the lower position, most tangibly the repercussions of the social aspect.
(i.e. im now quite unpopular with all of my contemporaries)
but, It's really quite incredible how subtle contentment is.
Like you have illuminated for me, as i find myself feeling that letting go is all thats left to do, in letting go and falling into the void of acceptance its so much easier not to favour one thing over another...
until I get a head-ache.. then nature sucks!!! :P ha ha.
Then i grasp and try to latch on to the sides to stop myself falling,
until i accept and round and round we go...
Its new, and odd for me to find myself actually this calm and still in the face of so much quick and violent change, and its not even cos im forcing myself to 'think happy thoughts'.
I cant help but feel a little like ive happened upon a milestone...
one that i cant quite read.
But it doesnt matter that i cant,
i dont need to know what it says about where i am,
it just means that im not where i was.
These milestones have been there all along my journey i just didnt recognize them cos i didnt even know i was on a road.
i was too busy rushing around franticly shopping for 'maps' to where the road [chref=64]starts[/chref]
it really makes me smile,
the closer i find myself the less credit i can take for it,
ha ha... none at all really, cos as you say Carl, its happening naturally.
As when someone is trying to describe someone you know but they dont know the person's name,
i.e. 'you know, that really tall guy, fluffy brown hair, he's the real quite type,' generally people would say fairly similar things about them.
I've met many a fervent Christian who talks about God just like how i know 'him' ,
and so many others that sound like we're not talking about the same '"'person'"' at all.
Not that the way that you talk about is the constant way
i just splutter and struggle a lot more often.
As i'm not going on that world tour full of hot sweaty teen-age girls,
free beer and all the praise i could take,
and the hatemail has been rolling in for leaving the band at the point of breaking success,
i reckon i'll have plenty of time to just be, and hang around here sometimes, to smile with you all.
(I truly hope that my comment above causes nobody's heart any disturbance, it is intended to amuse)
Again I can take no credit for it. Its not that im wise and so 'disciplined' that i have 'chosen' the way over desire...
it really is that i just want to un-complicate my life and id prefer a simpler path,
probably just a more simple by-path.
But at least without the ringing in my ears after the partying i?ll be more able to listen to the silence.
Thank you for sharing and for guiding as you see.
your friend,
Laurence
* That is why [chref=53]the great way is easy[/chref]. Simply by dropping the belief that we are in control (i.e., responsible, free, independent, etc...) it becomes easier to 'let' Nature take the 'wheel'. This allow us to look out our mind's window with greater [chref=16]impartiality[/chref].
* Yes, sharing [chref=14]the thread running through the way[/chref]
* Ha! Such a confession on any 'normal' site would have people scratching their heads. Here, of course we have,...
[chref=20]The multitude are joyous as if partaking of the 'Tai Lao' offering
Or going up to a terrace in spring. I alone am inactive and reveal no signs,[/chref]
* Well, I see the [chref=53]by-path[/chref] lies in not what we do, but what we [chref=71]think[/chref] - which determines much of what we do, of course.
* You are most welcome! I'm often on the fence about posting. I continue to do so, but... after all, 'it' has all been thought and said before. So, all I'm doing is offering a peek out my mind's window on the chance that it supports a few others - those [chref=39] lords and princes [who also] refer to themselves as 'solitary', 'desolate', and 'hapless'[/chref]. I think of this site as being like AA. I know, we'll call it TA (Taoist Anonymous)
Anonymous? Sure, as so few actually post,... and I don't blame them either! After all, [chref=56]One who knows does not speak; one who speaks does not know[/chref] :oops: