My war horses have been breeding way too often lately-emotional flare ups, losing rationality, as Joe says, sounds very familiar. I try to avoid this, especially around my boy who has such an unstable environment at his other house, but i fail now & then...better than i used to be, for sure, but still...
Also at work, with frustrating special needs kids (and sometimes i think 'special needs' coworkers) my rep has long been made as one who 'blows up', not a rep i'm proud of, and not one I live up to as often anymore...
I truly hope and believe getting back into the Eastern religions, meditating, learning to relax again and rediscover a calm place within me will help, as it has in the past. I've avoided this for years, I dont know why, but I've paid greatly for this avoidance. Finding this site has already helped some, up to me to do the rest now.
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I'm very seldom lonely, except when i'm away from my kid for any length of time. and there's where expectations enter in. My relationship with him is sacred and all important to me, yet i force myself to be realistic about it. He's not my biological child, I have no legal rights over him, and his flaky family could move away overnight, and that'd be that. Then, i'd be lonely, oh my, unto the point of despair. Being aware of this doesnt change it. Am I setting myself up or preparing myself, by thinking about 'worst case scenarios'?
It sounds like you're approaching life as straight forward as you can. While that is possibly no bed of roses, the alternatives I've witnessed only seem to sow the seeds of even more sorrow.
As far as appraoching life in a straight forwrd way:To use a football analogy, I rush for first down on every possession, but they keep moving the markers!
whichever way I turn...
violets!
TO Buddy 1... CRYING IS NOT SELF PITY... your thoughts during crying might be self pity, during anger might be self pity. Ethier way its a form of outlit of releasal of negitive energy. I cry all the time and it feels good!!!
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[Spam link removed. I was going to remove the post too, but Kyle's comment was too funny.]